my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
