I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
