I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
