I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
