Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
