There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
