He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
