Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
