did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So vagazzling was a success
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
