smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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