Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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