she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
