True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
