Even the bartender felt bad for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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