Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize