i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
