I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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