drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
