Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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