I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just pee around me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
