strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What a dumb baby whore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
