Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
