you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
