Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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