So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
