bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
