So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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