i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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