Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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