it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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