the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
