i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
