yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
