I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
