You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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