ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize