i permit you to call me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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