fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
