she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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