We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
