i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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