omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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