Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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