I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
