did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
