i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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