If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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