I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When are your genitals available?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
