i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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