My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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