Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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