A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
