Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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