I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
