Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
