You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
