3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
