Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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