Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
