How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i've created a new STD.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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