You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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